Putting it out there

Published by Rava . Views: 306

As my thread is part of my accountability I owed it to myself to put this out there and be honest. I don't want to go into the things that have been happening in my life, but I am aware that mentally for the last 2 - 3 weeks I have just been existing.

After arriving back home (from Dad’s 70th) I started re-taking Duromine - however some really personal shit had happened, and I was still trying to deal with that as well as maintain a “normal” appearance to my kids and others.

Last week, I realised how bad I had been because I passed out. Nothing like hitting your head on the floor to shock your system! I also managed to get a really good sprain to my knee, as I twisted when I fell down and cracked it on the stairs.

A trip to the Dr’s was in order where she checked me out. My GP is great, and I really have a comfortable relationship with her, so she sat there and listened to me cry and unload for over an hour. At the end of my purge she read me the riot act and told me to get off Duromine until I got my shit together and started eating properly again.

When I got home and I reviewed what I was eating – it was absolutely nothing. My calorie intake came from sweetened coffee or tea with milk, water and the occasional cup of soup. I actually didn’t consume any solid food for over 5 days and I am not proud in saying that. My calorie intake was less than 400 on some days and even lower on others (not that my weight reflects this at all!).

I was getting around 2 – 3 hours of sleep, and I had a couple of days where I just didn’t catch any zz’s. No exercise but I felt as though I was burning a crap load of calories as my whole house has been re-organized. The reality is though that I accomplished nothing.

I realized that acting like I did (even though at the time I was in a mental fog) helped no one, let alone myself. In actual fact, my foolish behaviour caused me to hurt myself physically, and my belief that I was “keeping up appearances” fooled no-one close to me at all.

So, for the past week I have been slowly getting my crap together. I have caught up on my sleep, and I have been eating healthy once more. Running is probably another week away (knee), but I have been slowly incorporating some leisurely walks.

Which brings me to today the 19th of November, where I am happy to say that my mindset is back where it should be once again and my Duromine journey will continue from tomorrow. A re-start to my re-start if you will :)
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